Define "chronic" masturbator.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
