you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
