I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
