Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
