Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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