When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
