I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize