Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
