hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
