Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize