he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
