I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
