Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
