i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think im going to throw up on grandma
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize