Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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