im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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