I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
