i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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