Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
