He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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