**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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