Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
