Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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