So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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