i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
