sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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