I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
