I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
