is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize