I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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