Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
