And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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