Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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