mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
