I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
