Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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