I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have aggressive nipples.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
