nut hugger
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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