Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
