Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
