I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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