The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think your dad took our porno
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
