i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
