The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize