You're so nebulous sometimes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
