I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
