Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
