it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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