no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
