They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
