just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
These tits shall not be calmed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
