Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
