She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
