Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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