Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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