There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
