I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
