still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
