apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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