my phone needs a breathalizer
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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