my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
