he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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