Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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