I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
