i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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