i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize