Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
now i know why i became what i already was.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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