I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
