At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
should my penis look like a turkey
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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