I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
