You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
