If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
