The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
