no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
