Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
