I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
