I hate all girls vehemently.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
