Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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