why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When did angry sex become our thing?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
