some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
