If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
