He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Success! We fucked roommates!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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