Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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