i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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