if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
