I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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