i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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