My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
bring money and cleavage
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
