She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
FUCK WHALES
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