he puts the penis in happiness.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
