somebody snuck up and got me drunk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
