just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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