I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize