yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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