You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
