Define "chronic" masturbator.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
