If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
