The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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