I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
