I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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